I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
