So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
