dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
