But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
