Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
