I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
