You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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