Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
