I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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