Your tits are I can't wait for
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
