I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Bring me that man meat
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
