you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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