there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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