Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That's how pantless uber rides happen
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
