Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
