She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize