i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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