so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
