Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
