Just cropdusted the office
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
