I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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