Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize