Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize