it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
