T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
