My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
