I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
