well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
