HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
