Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
