You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I want a musical about memes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
