let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
