I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
