i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
