Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize