I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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