You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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