You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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