Can Purell be used as lube?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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