she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize