They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
