Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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