Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
