Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so let's talk penis.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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