hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
