if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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