your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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