It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
