Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
