how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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