I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
