Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
