i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
