His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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