I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
