So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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