You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
