I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
