I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
