Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
